God's Goal In Trials

Your son has been aiming to play for his high school’s basketball team since he was in middle school. He has labored diligently, practicing much on his own, lifting in the weight room, attending summer camps. At one of these summer camps a college coach talked to him about coming to his school and playing for him. Your son was flattered by the praise—which helped build an expectation that he would be a starter on his high school team. But today your son has just been informed by his coach that he will not be starting in the team’s first game. In fact, at best, he will be the third person off the bench. What do you say to your dejected son?

In my last post we looked at Jesus’ words about the inevitability of storms—no one lives in Eden anymore. So how can your son weather his storm? Jesus gave a rather simple formula for staying upright in the storms: Everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. Hearing and acting on Scripture will prevent your son from being knocked down by this squall.

So what Words does your son need to hear and begin to practice? James is a good place to begin: Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. (1:2,3) Your son needs to acknowledge that his storm is a test of his faith. His job is to hang on, being encouraged that God cares enough about him to design a special test for him. In this test, God is asking him, “Will you trust me?”

What is your son trusting God to do? It is not to make him a starter. It is not to win him a scholarship. God’s work in this trial is to make your son mature and complete, lacking nothing. (James 1:4)  This storm is designed to add character to your son. God makes that a rock solid promise--if your son will trust him.

Warning: Severe Storms Predicted

Robert Griffin III is an unusually gifted young man. In high school he was a three sport star. His senior year he led his football team to the Texas Class 4A championship  game. In track, Griffin broke state records for the 110-meter and 300-meter hurdles. As a junior, he was rated the nation’s No. 1 high school 400-meter intermediate hurdler. At Baylor University his success continued as he won the starting position at quarterback his freshman year and after his junior year won the coveted Heisman Trophy.

Griffin’s achievements were not confined to the athletics. He was senior class president and ranked seventh academically in his class. While at Baylor he compiled a 3.67 GPA and earned his political science degree in just three years.

After graduation Griffin’s storybook life continued. He Was drafted by the Washington Redskins and signed a $21 million contract. His first year in the NFL (2012) he set a record for the highest passer rating for a rookie quarterback and led the Redskins into the playoffs for the first time since 2007.

But since that rookie year, and especially this year, Griffin has struggled. Battling injuries and poor performances, he was replaced in the starting lineup. Listen to his coaches’ comments:

·     “In the games he's played, our production has been awful.”

·     “Very raw. Very raw." (The coach’s evaluation of his progress over the past three years.)

·     “He's auditioned long enough. Clock's ticking. He's gotta play.”

·         "His biggest thing, he's been coddled for so long.”

·         "We just want him to stop talking and play. He has to outperform all the antics."

Suppose your son is a fan of RG III--what would you say to him?   Jesus informs us that all homes are battered by storms: “The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house.” (Matt.7:25) It doesn’t matter whether my house is built on rock or sand, or whether I’m rich or poor, wise or foolish, talented or untalented, Christian or non-Christian, beautiful or ugly, mature or immature, threatening storms eventually break over all of us. Thus, the question for Robert Griffin and for us is not,  Will we encounter storms? The question is, Will the storms flatten us?

The apostle Peter wrote to Christians advising them: “Do not be surprised at the painful trial your suffering as though something strange were happening to you.” (I Pet.4: 12). One of the ways the storms injure us is when they are unexpected. Painful trials should not be a surprise. Painful trials should not seem strange. Painful trials are found on everyone’s path through life.  A young athlete may be hassled by incompetent referees, unqualified coaches, sprained ankles, jealous teammates, misjudged talent, bad luck, etc.  Such squalls can be a gift to a child, teaching him how to weather more severe storms later in life:  a degenerative disease,  the divorce of parents, the loss of a loved job, the early death of a parent,  rejection by a cherished friend, an absent father, a bankrupting investment, a severely handicapped child,  etc., etc., etc. Even these severe storms can be survived when we are prepared for them. In my next blog I will address how to prepare for them.

Parents' Role: Stay Out of God's Way!

A concerned mother expressed worry that her son would not be given a fair opportunity to play on his high school basketball team. Her worry was based on her son’s belief that the coach didn’t like him. She looked perplexed when I responded: “Great! It will give your son (and you!) an opportunity to trust God.”

As parents, we never want our kids to suffer. But suffering is a pre-requisite to growth. James said it best: Count it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (1:4f). When a child encounters a trial, he may need your help. And if that trial involves a relationship with a coach, there are good and bad types of assistance:

• Do NOT intervene. Don’t go talk to the coach. Don’t try to get the coach fired! Don’t get in the way of what God wants to do in your child’s life. This is a problem designed by God for your teen.
• Do NOT complain -- especially in your child’s presence. Your complaints may block his ability to see how God is at work.
• You CAN instruct. Help him put his hope in God rather than his coach. Why are you downcast, oh my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my savior and my God. (Psalm 42:5). Help your child see that the problem is test of his faith and offer to pray with him.
• You MUST take a long-term perspective on your child’s life. What do you want him to look like when he is 30 years old? Your highest goal for your child should not be to make the team or to win a college scholarship. Your primary goal for him should be that he becomes a mature Christian man.

This goal of maturity won’t be accomplished through one trial. Help your child be prepared for a series of trials inside and outside of his sports because we serve a God who frequently intervenes in our lives in surprising ways. 

Our son Nathan was a starter on his college soccer team. But his junior year was a frustrating and injury-plagued season. Again and again his young faith was tested--and proved. As a result, I asked God to reward him with a healthy, successful senior year. God answered my prayer with a resounding "No!" That fall he was unexpectedly cut from the team. Sometime later, after he’d gained some perspective, he wrote: “I think God’s response to this recent absence of athletics in my life is “Finally!” Ever since eighth grade God has been trying to teach me the lesson in 1 Timothy 4:8: For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. I believe that God has repeatedly put obstacles, primarily in the form of injuries and coaches, in my athletic career in order to humble me and make me realize their relative insignificance to Christ and his kingdom.” As my wife and I read the letter, we thanked God for the maturing of our son---which was much more important than playing college soccer. 

Our love for our kids often falls short. We want them to be happy. God wants them to be holy. “Thank you, Lord, for your tough love in my son’s life. Your ways are not my ways. But yours are infinitely better!”

 

Athletes As Role Models, Part 3

Where Have All the Heroes gone?

I was an NBA all-star year after year. The arena where I achieved that feat was my driveway! I imagined playing as a prized teammate of my beloved Boston Celtics. Even with Bill Russell and Bob Cousy on my team, I always made the last-second shot, the critical steal, or the amazing block that secured another championship for the world’s best basketball team.

My driveway fantasies are not unique. All children emulate others in their play. When children imitate a princess or a superhero or an NBA star, they are “putting on” the clothing of adult life.

We are designed for imitation. The Bible is filled with exhortations to imitate God: Be holy as I am holy. The Apostle Paul asked his disciples to imitate him. Because imitation is one of the pathways to maturity, children need role models who are worth emulating. Sadly, today’s sportsworld heroes often fall short because “our generation has lowered the standards and amped up the volume.”

But there are genuine heroes in the sportsworld. Recently retired Juan Pierre was a lifetime .300 hitter before he signed with the L.A. Dodgers. His first year as a Dodger, he played in all 162 games, as he had done the previous four years. But the next year Pierre was benched. He didn’t handle the demotion well. One of the sportswriters described him as “sullen”, “almost sad.”

The following year Pierre returned to the Dodgers with a new attitude. Though newly signed free agents decreased his likelihood of playing regularly, he was determined to return a new man: "I wasn't happy with myself last year. I have always read the Bible, but I was reading it again during the off-season.... I just figured out God's plan is way better than mine. I thought I could do it on my own, but I was miserable. I can only control things that I can control." Players and media noticed the difference. One sports writer observed that “in such a refreshing way, nothing seems to unsettle him.” His peace was based on the belief that God is in control. Our athletic kids will face adversity in their sports: riding the bench, injuries, unjust umpiring, incompetent coaches. Athletes like Pierre can model how to handle these uncontrollable and unwelcome events. But parents will have to dig these stories up because this is not the normal focus of the media.

 

 

 

 

 

Athletes as Role Models: Part 2

"Talking Points": How to Talk About the Sportsworld

Last February Ray Rice knocked out his then girlfriend, now wife, in an elevator in an Atlantic City casino. Originally they were both arrested and charged with assault. Later the charge against his wife was dropped. And Rice, as a first-time offender, was allowed to enter a diversionary program that would lead to the erasing of the offense from his record if he completed the program. Then in July the NFL, after its own investigation, instituted a two-game suspension for Rice’s misbehavior.

A lot has happened since that night, mostly driven by a video of the altercation. Those events include:

·         Rice’s team, the Baltimore Ravens, cut him from the team.

·         The NFL, claiming the video provided new evidence, changed Rice’s suspension to an indefinite suspension.

·         The NFL also changed its domestic abuse policy making a first-time offense punishable by a six-game suspension and a second offense a lifetime ban from the NFL.

·         Rice is appealing his suspension by claiming that the NFL wants to punish him twice.

When events like this happen, it gives parents a great opportunity to talk with their kids about a divine perspective on such events. Questions provide a smooth path into a conversation:

• Do you think Ray Rice would like to back up the calendar and live that night over again?
• Is it a good idea to marry a man who punched you out two months ago?
•   Should Rice get a second chance?
•    What would you do if Rice was a good friend of yours?
•   What does God think of Ray Rice?

Don’t be in a hurry to give answers. Your ultimate goal is to help your kids learn to discern the difference between good and evil on their own.

 

Athletes As Role Models, Part 1

A friend of my son has a 7 year-old boy who only wants to wear 2 shirts--both have pictures of suspended star, Adrian Peterson. That dad asked: "Should I let my son continue to wear these shirts?" The recent tawdry events in the NFL have left parents wondering how the shameful behavior of well-known athletes effects their children. I plan to focus on that issue over the next few blogs.

Parents first question is: Should we try to shield kids from athletes who are wife abusers or drug addicts or adulterers? During my childhood, kids were shielded. The sports media created “fakelore” (All-star pitcher, Jim Bouton’s  word) that hid most of the bad behavior of athletes. Babe Ruth was made up to be a saint who visited children in hospitals rather than the heavy drinker and gambler that he was.

But is this cover up necessary? The Bible doesn’t censor the sins of its heroes. Jacob was a schemer, Moses a murderer, Samson a fornicator, David an adulterer and a murderer. The Bible presents both the good and the bad because we learn from both.

The key to how children will be impacted by all of this corruption is whether the athlete’s bad behavior is punished. In one study, children observed an adult acting aggressively toward a large doll. Then some of the children observed the adult being rewarded while others saw the adult punished. The children were then given solitary time with the doll. Those who saw the adult rewarded for aggression treated the doll with much greater hostility.

The principle of modeling, then, implies that kids do not have to be shielded from the sins of their heroes. What they need is to see these athletes punished for their offenses. The most effective hurt for these professional athletes may be playing time. Anything that significantly shortens already short careers, will certainly be painful.

God makes it clear that sin has consequences: Do not be deceived, God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. (Galatians 6: 7,8) Therefore, the exposure of an athlete’s mis-behavior and ensuing problems on and off the field, can be a “good” model for children—shouting the truth that a man reaps what he sows.

 

Tiger's Troubles

I have not been a big fan of Tiger Woods. In fact, I haven’t even been a little fan of Tiger Woods (except when he competes for the U.S.) There are several reasons for this, not least, that I frequently root for underdogs.

But it is hard for me to root against Tiger today. Starting with his infidelities in 2009, followed by his divorce in 2010, and now his major health struggles, his soaring career has been grounded. It was painful watching this golfing Superman wince in pain as he hit mediocre shot after mediocre shot in the recent PGA Championship. Tiger has not won a major title since 2008 and not any kind of title this year. Last week after he missed the cut in the PGA, he announced that he would take the rest of the year off to try to heal his troubled back.

Tiger is experiencing one of life’s basic truths—life is incredibly humbling. Some years ago my brother had a friend who was going through some very rocky times. In his pain this friend complained, “I thought God wouldn’t give me more than I can handle.” My brother wisely responded, “I hate to disagree with you but I think that is exactly what God does do – he gives us more than we can handle to teach us to depend on Him.”

Life is supposed to be too much for all of us. That is why Jesus said: Blessed are the poor in spirit. As Evelyn de Wall has written, a poor spirit is the first step toward transformation:

It is unfortunate that humility is a concept which has become so unattractive, and carries associations of low self-esteem, for in fact it’s true meaning lies in the proper sense of self. It means knowing and accepting my limitations, and not denying them: I am not in charge; I am not the ultimate source of wisdom. I’m not self-sufficient; I cannot manage on my own. When I admit that God is in charge I’m willing and ready to change, probably time and time again.

When the Apostle Paul encountered crushing circumstances that he could not pray away, he heard Jesus say: My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in [your] weakness.” As a result, Paul could proclaim: Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

God wants to teach all of us how to delight in our weaknesses as we lean on his strength. He wants us to discover his complete sufficiency for any of life’s challenges.

Parents' Role: Build Confidence Through Practice

When our son Nathan was a senior in high school, his performance on his basketball team had fallen as a result of injuries and inconsistent shooting. As the team was preparing for the season-ending playoffs, my son asked me to help him practice his shooting. Over the next few days, I spent a couple of hours helping him practice his shooting. The practice paid off. In the district final, he had a great game, scoring 9 points in the first quarter as his team coasted to a 15 point win. Next in line was the regional final against the #1 team in the state—the winner advancing to the state tournament. Before that game I told Nathan that I thought he would have another big game. The game started disastrously—3 minutes into the game he was benched with his second foul. Cathy and I had been praying with Nathan that if the season were to end here, it would end on a positive note for him and the team. When I saw him heading toward the bench, I sighed and prayed: “O.K., Lord, you know what is best.”

Nathan returned to the game in the 2^nd quarter. He quickly made two baskets and a free throw. Both he and the team played an outstanding game, though they lost a squeaker to that #1 team. During the second half of the game, after Nathan had made his third 3-pointer in a row, he looked over at me and smiled and gave me a thumbs up—thanking me for my help and my confidence in him. After the game, we thanked God that the season had ended well for the whole team.

As expected, kids who practice their skills are the ones who experience the most success. All a child needs is someone who will play catch with him, rebound his basketball, retrieve batted balls, transport him to the driving range. (Dads, practicing with your daughter can be a good way to connect with her if you are struggling to find common ground.)

Should you ever prod your child to practice? Certainly. Don’t you urge her to practice her music lessons? work at her studies? But here are some important guidelines:

• Keep age-appropriate expectations. A five year-old’s interest may shift after 1 or 2 minutes. Let her quit.
• Don’t use guilt to motivate: “I spend lots of money so you can play on this team. The least you can do is practice!”
• Allow older children increasing responsibility for their training so that they learn self-discipline.
• Make sure that you are also urging him to be a good brother, a committed student, a faithful child of God. Athletic skills will be relatively unimportant in his adult life.
• Check your motivation—is your child’s athletics one last chance to be a star yourself?

This last issue—the temptation to live through our children’s achievements—is particularly dangerous. Since we all have an enormous capacity for self-deception, it is important to search our motives. You might ask your child or your spouse—am I pushing too hard? Examine how you respond to your child’s performance—are you overly elated when he wins? overly discouraged when he loses or plays poorly? Remember: your kids don’t exist to fill you up—that is God’s job!

Parents' Role: Build Confidence Through Praise

The Apostle Paul’s strategy to stimulate spiritual growth was to build on past success: “We instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now, we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more.” They were headed in the right direction and he wanted them to go further down that road.

Similarly, you parents should praise what your child does well—even when you know she could have done better. If she lacks aggressiveness on the basketball court, don’t whine about her lack of intensity. Commend her for a rebound she battled for and won. If your son made an error in a baseball game, praise one of his good plays—“You did a great job gauging the wind on that pop fly you caught in the 2^nd inning. Not many fifth-graders could make that play!” Some parents withhold praise because they think it will give their child a “big head”. But most often, the braggart’s self-praise is a desperate attempt to fill his need for approval. If you don’t praise him, he will praise himself.

Commending your child’s successes, though, does not mean that you never point out his failures. Hall-of-Fame football coach, Lou Holtz, believes that American Idol is a reflection of some parents failure to appropriately criticize their children:

The less-than-skilled singers auditioning for American Idol is as staggering as it is sad. Simon Cowell, one of the judges on the show, has gained a reputation as being the “mean old bad guy” because he tells people the truth: some of them simply can’t sing. The fact that they’ve never been told this for fear of hurting their feelings is a troubling commentary on what we value today.

When parents offer “junk praise” it disrupts their child’s ability to judge accurately who God has created him to be. Your child needs help assessing his strengths and weaknesses.

Parents, it may be time to tone down the cheerleading. When your child moans over an awful performance, don’t falsely praise him by slapping him on the back and saying: “Good job!” He knows better and will resent your good-willed lie. It might be better to simply say, “That wasn’t one of your better efforts.” And you might add later: “I think you’re not improving because you seldom practice.” Or if your child has a number of bad performances, he might need to hear: “Tom, you’re a better basketball player than soccer player. Would you like to put more time into developing your basketball skills?”

Finally, it is also important that we don’t over praise

athletic achievement. Educator and coach Bruce Svare praised his dad for emphasizing what was most important: “I am almost certain that my father was more proud of my academic accomplishments than he ever was of anything I did on the basketball court or football field.” Think about it: Do you show (at least) as much interest in your child’s academics as you do in her sports? Even when our sons were in college we tried to maintain a balance during our visits to their schools—we not only attended their athletic contests but also sat in on their classes.

Parrents As Interpreters, Part 3

The Failure of Success

Don Simpson, one of the co-producers of the very popular Tom Cruise movie, Top Gun, said that he and his partner, Jerry Bruckheimer “side with the winners; we aren’t interested in the losers—they’re boring to us.” These filmmakers reflect the predominant cultural view: You are hero if you win and a bum if you lose.

When the culture worships winners, kids feel pressured to succeed. Psychologist Roni Cohen-Sandler in her extensive work among teen girls has found that no matter what the age or social status or educational ability of the child,  almost all tell her that "they feel stressed by pressures to excel.” Many of them believe that to be successful they have to be extraordinary. When the bar is set so high, many girls report being “totally stressed-out,” “overwhelmed,” and “completely exhausted.” They “think that besides acing every subject, they must also star in their school plays, shine in  music, excel athletically, be popular, and win awards.” The path to success is dangerously steep for many kids.

One of the U.S.A.’s top marathoners, Ryan Hall, was almost a casualty to this pressure to excel. Hall set very high goals for his running. But his “obsession” to make the 2004 Olympic Team led to burn out. Some mornings he could barely get out of bed. Hall explained: “There wasn’t anything wrong with my body; I was just emotionally and spiritually wrecked.” When he changed his goal to being faithful to God, he found freedom and greater “success”. He told God: “Whatever you want to do, do it. If you want to take me to the Olympics, great. If You don’t, that’s great, too.” Running became a delight again because he had the “freedom to not have to achieve.” He could run for the sheer love of running.

Like Ryan Hall, our son (see previous post) wanted to be successful in basketball. But he had to learn that in God’s world, he is successful when he is faithful: It is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. He was successful when he practiced hard, when he refined his God-given skills, when he didn’t grumble about his coach’s decision, when he cheered his teammates (even the one playing ahead of him!). His performance might not look significant in the team’s season ending statistics, but God keeps a different set of books!

Parents As Interpreters, Part 2

“The Success of Failure”
When our son Jered was a junior in high school he was playing behind a boy on his school team who wasn’t nearly as talented as our son. (This wasn’t just a parental prejudice! A college coach thought similarly). After a game in which he played little, he grumbled: “I work hard, practice extra, play well when I’m in the game, but get little playing time. Other guys never do any extra practicing, play just O.K. and get lots of playing time. I’m not sure I want to play next year.” Our discouraged son needed help with his perspective.

Initially, we reminded him that his extra practice had paid off—he was leading the team in field goal percentage. We also pointed out that his team had been playing weak teams and that he would have an opportunity to shine when they faced stiffer competition. We also encouraged him to think about God’s purpose in all of this. Was God teaching him how to be content “in all circumstances”? to love his teammates? to trust God for playing time?

The following week, one of the boys Jered was playing behind was injured and wouldn’t play in the next game—a game against a difficult opponent. We asked several people to pray for our son. We prayed together as a family. The result? He played little and poorly. Did God answer our prayers? Definitely! As a result of his discouraging performance, he went to his closet and dug out some information he had received at a Fellowship of Christian Athletes’ camp about how to deal with adversity. Our son was learning how to connect with God in his pain.

As the season continued, Jered had highs (e.g., a critical role in the district final win—10 points and 0 turnovers) and lows (e.g., little playing time during state tournament games). But he—and his parents!—were learning again and again to put our hope in God, not in his circumstances: “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him.” (Ps.42:5) If the source of an athlete’s happiness is praise or playing time or plaques, most will experience a great deal of unhappiness.

But losing can be a powerful instrument for growth. Our son’s “failure” became the basis of his “success”—he grew in ways that would not have happened had he been more successful on the court.

Parents' Role: Parents As Interpreters, Part 1

When I was my son Andrew’s soccer coach, I played him as a midfielder. Though he scored an occasional goal, I told him his job was broader than that—he also had to think defensively. But Nathan, his older brother, was a scorer. After one game in which Nathan had scored two goals, he gave the family a very animated description of how he had scored. Near the end of his story, Andrew leaned over to me and whispered: "Dad, I'm not supposed to score goals, am I?" I whispered back: "No, Andrew, your job is to get the ball from our opponents and get it to our scorers." Andrew became content not scoring because success had been defined to match his talents and his role.

The ability to interpret life accurately is fundamental to maturity. People are not so much shaped by circumstances, as they are by their interpretation of those circumstances. When my middle son felt uneasy listening to his older brother’s exploits, I helped him interpret his experience in the light of truth. When your child encounters one of these significant events—scoring a winning goal or unfairly fouling out of a basketball game or striking out with the bases loaded—she may need you to help her interpret these highs and lows.

 

Jesus claimed that the eye is the lamp of the body.  If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. (Matthew 6:22f). One of our jobs as parents is to help our children with their sight. We can take them to the "Eye Doctor" for the corrective lenses that will enlighten their world.

Parents' Role In Children’s Sports

Introduction

The first year I was old enough to play organized baseball I tried out for a Little League team. Though I didn’t make the team, I was blessed with a splendid alternative. The city organized a league with four regional teams all coached by two brothers. We played three mornings every week and there were NO watching parents. In this low-pressure environment we boys learned how to play baseball. Many of us became the stars of our high school teams.

Fast forward to 2014. I have a friend who referees for high school summer-league basketball. Though it is supposed to be a low-key experience for the kids with minimal coaching, my friend explains that the games are witnessed by 20-30 adults (mostly parents) who are constantly shouting to the players: “Block out on the rebound!” “Watch your passes!” “Don’t let him have the baseline!” “Com’n—hustle out there!”

What has happened? Many parents today are tempted to have their “fingers in every mud pie their children make.” They do this for reasons that feel solid and unselfish, desperately wanting what’s best for their kids. But kids don’t need parents' hectic, exhausting, non-stop supervision of their lives. Parents, you are coaches, not players. Your children have to run the race.

There are two dangers for the helping parent: over-involvement or under-involvement. Though in past years I mostly encouraged parents to increase their involvement, today I encourage some parents to decrease their involvement. In the next few blogs I want to look at what are appropriate—and at times, inappropriate, ways to help your athletic kids.

Loving God, Part 6

Modeling Godly Passions

The Ark of the Covenant, the gold covered chest that housed the tablets of the Law and the presence of God, was the most holy item in Israel’s worship. Not long after the Philistines captured it, David restored it to his people. During the ark’s homecoming celebration, David danced before the Lord with all his might, ... leaping and dancing before the Lord. He was so unrestrained that his wife, Michal, was embarrassed and called him a vulgar fellow! But David was resolute: I will celebrate before the Lord. And I will become even more undignified than this.

Where do people today become so “undignified”? While attending a high school football game, one observer heard “deep-throated yells, violent exhortations, giddy screams, hoarse whoops. The people in the stands lost all sight of who they were and what they were supposed to be like, all dignity and restraint thrown aside because of these high school boys in front of them, their boys, their heroes.” Doesn’t that sound like David? They “lost all sight of who they were and what they were supposed to be like, all dignity and restraint thrown aside.”

We must think clearly and creatively about how we can model a whole-hearted love for God to our children. What do you model when you attend a worship service—are you reluctant to shout an “Amen!” or raise your hands in praise? You may decline, claiming you aren’t a demonstrative person. But didn’t I see you throw your arms in the air and hear you scream, “Touchdown!!” during last week’s NFL game?!

Though my boys saw my passion for the sportsworld, they also saw my passion for the spiritual world. During our family’s Easter celebrations we played David Meece’s resurrection song, Today Is the Day, repeatedly and loudly. That energetic song became a staple of our Easter traditions as we sang and marched around the house rejoicing in our risen Savior. May God increase our freedom to love Him with our whole selves.

 

Olympic Excellence

I had been minimally interested in the Winter Olympics until two days ago when I started watching the Ice Dancing competition during a lunch break. I became enthralled with the male/female pairs, by their nearly flawless, coordinated spins and turns and lifts. I was so enthralled that I watched it again in the evening with Cathy.

As I watched, I wondered how they had trained in order to achieve such excellence. I found one figure skating website that gave a rough outline of what it takes to achieve those skills. Throughout childhood a skater would need

  ·         a minimum of 2-3, 1 hour ice sessions per weekday.

·         longer practice sessions on the weekends.

·         no less than 2-3 lessons each week with a coach.

·         regular, off-ice training in ballet and dance.

·         working out regularly with a conditioning coach.

What does it add up to? A total dedication of their lives to skating.

Is it wise for children to give such single-minded devotion to their athletic life? Our children have important skills to acquire—they must learn how to care for others, to connect with God, to manage money, to think critically, and more. Can these athletes develop those skills if they don’t participate in a broad mix of common childhood activities: household chores, church camp, mission trips, family gatherings, youth group, service projects, hanging out with friends? Though they may become outstanding athletes, will they become outstanding individuals? I’m sure some do, but is it the best way for children to grow up to be joyful, productive, fulfilled adults? Maybe not. (But I will still enjoy watching them compete!)

 

Loving God, Part 5

My Addiction

 

Sports are a substantial part of our daily lives. Consider the statistics:

 

·         88% of kids (ages 8-17) watch televised sports

·         75% of all Americans watch sports weekly

·         70% of adults read about, discuss or participate in sports daily

 

But when a sports hobby becomes an obsession, people (like me!) become enslaved. Knowing that the best way to break an addiction is to starve it, I chose to cut myself off from excessive sports information. For many years we did not subscribe to cable T.V. or the daily newspaper. We also turned down a long-standing offer from my Dad to purchase a satellite T.V. system for our family. I made these choices because I wanted to limit the daily temptations to indulge in sports. Today, I infrequently use my computer to chase down sports statistics and rarely watch ESPN’s Sports Center because both feed my craving.

 

Televised sports try to hook us with the illusion that outcomes are critical. Thus, the Game of the Week is hyped as the Game of the Century. When Michigan State’s basketball team qualified to play in the 2009 NCAA championship game and that game would be played in economically depressed Detroit, much was written about what a great boost this was to the state. But what difference did it actually make in the lives of the Michigan residents? Were they any better off a day later? a month later? a year later? How was that game more than a temporary diversion from their struggles?

 

I bought into this myth that results matter. Therefore, the games took precedence over people and other callings. But a strange thing happened when I adopted God’s perspective: that results are relatively unimportant; that success and winning are not the same; that I won’t care who won a week from now, etc. When I engaged in this self-talk, I found my zeal subsiding. It didn’t happen all at once—I had to persist with this self-talk. But I now find that I am more interested in a close game, excellent play, and good sportsmanship than seeing my team win.

 

I have other strategies to help me control my addiction:

 

·         I often don’t tune in until a game is half over. If the game is a blowout, I don’t waste time on it.

·         I mute the sound so I can perform other tasks—sorting through a closet, paying bills, grading papers.

·         I record an event so I can watch it quickly later.

 

Finally, and most important, I am less attracted to my alternate god when I practice the priority of loving God more through study, prayer, fellowship  and worship. As the Apostle Peter wrote: Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk... now that you have tasted that the Lord is good. As I tasted the sweetness of my God, sports soured in comparison. And with my addiction broken, I was in a healthier condition to help my boys love the things of God also.

Loving God, Part 4

Enjoying Sports

 

One New York Giants fan recounted the celebration that erupted when the final whistle blew and the Giants had won the 2008 Super Bowl. He was “surrounded by delirious Giants fans who were hugging and screaming and crying and acting like stranded castaways who just noticed a rescue boat.” Many Texans would understand that sort of response to winning a football game. In Texas, football is “discussed in churches, cafes, schools, Kiwanis club meetings, oil fields and out on the north forty. Football, particularly high school football, is the staff of life.” The sportsworld was my god. It was my “staff of life”, filling my days and my dreams and my desires. When I became a Christian, I was confronted with the truth that I could not serve two masters. I could worship God or my alternate god—but not both. God won’t share his throne.

This recent holiday season we had our entire family together: 2 grandparents, 6 parents, 9 grandkids. (Oh, I forgot--and 4 granddogs!) When it came time for our main meal, one of my sons and I  loaded our plates and headed to the privacy of our basement to watch the final exciting games of the NFL season. Two of those games had head-to-head matchups to decide which team made the playoffs and which went home. As we were settling in, we were interrupted by my wife: “What are you doing? You need to come join the family celebration.” I reluctantly and grumpily agreed. During the meal our 2 year-old grandson started wishing everyone a “Merry Christmas”. Then someone taught him to say “Happy New Year”. He repeatedly squealed with delight with his new words and the attention that it brought him. And think . . . if I had allowed sports to be my master, I would have missed a memorable event that will endure far longer than any Aaron Rodgers touchdown pass.

If I love God, can I still enjoy sports? Of course. The challenge for many of us, though, is to become more temperate about them. C.S. Lewis defines temperance as “going the right length and no further” with our pleasures. Though temperance has often been associated with drinking alcoholic beverages, it should be applied to any of our pleasures. If I make golf or televised sports or gardening or shopping the center of my life, I am being “just as intemperate as someone who gets drunk every evening. Of course, it does not show on the outside so easily: golf-mania does not make you fall down in the middle of the road. But God is not deceived by externals (my italics).” Lewis believes that God judges a sports obsession just as negatively as he does an alcohol obsession. In both cases I am under the control of something other than God.