When our son Nathan
was a senior in high school, his performance on his basketball team had fallen
as a result of injuries and inconsistent shooting. As the team was preparing
for the season-ending playoffs, my son
asked me to help him practice his shooting. Over the next few days, I spent a
couple of hours helping him practice his shooting. The practice paid off. In
the district final, he had a great game, scoring 9 points in the first quarter
as his team coasted to a 15 point win. Next in line was the regional final
against the #1 team in the state—the winner advancing to the state tournament.
Before that game I told Nathan that I
thought he would have another big game. The game started disastrously—3 minutes
into the game he was benched with his second foul. Cathy
and I had been praying with Nathan
that if the season were to end here, it would end on a positive note for him and
the team. When I saw him heading toward the bench, I sighed and prayed: “O.K., Lord, you know what is best.”
Nathan
returned to the game in the 2nd quarter. He quickly made two
baskets and a free throw. Both he and the team played an outstanding
game, though they lost a squeaker to that #1 team. During the second
half of the game, after Nathan had
made his third 3-pointer in a row, he looked over at me and smiled and gave me
a thumbs up—thanking me for my help and my confidence in him. After the game,
we thanked God that the season had ended well for the whole team.
As expected, kids
who practice their skills are the ones who experience the most success.
All a child needs is someone who will play catch with him, rebound his
basketball, retrieve batted balls, transport him to the driving range. (Dads,
practicing with your daughter can be a good way to connect with her if you are
struggling to find common ground.)
Should you ever
prod your child to practice? Certainly. Don’t you urge her to practice her
music lessons? work at her studies? But here are some important guidelines:
- Keep
age-appropriate expectations. A five year-old’s interest may shift after
1 or 2 minutes. Let her quit.
- Don’t
use guilt to motivate: “I spend lots of money so you can play on this
team. The least you can do is practice!”
- Allow
older children increasing responsibility for their training so that they
learn self-discipline.
- Make
sure that you are also urging him to be a good brother, a committed
student, a faithful child of God. Athletic skills will be relatively
unimportant in his adult life.
- Check
your motivation—is your child’s athletics one last chance to be a star
yourself?
This last issue—the temptation to live through our
children’s achievements—is particularly dangerous. Since we all have an
enormous capacity for self-deception, it is important to search our motives.
You might ask your child or your spouse—am I pushing too hard? Examine how you
respond to your child’s performance—are you overly elated when he wins? overly
discouraged when he loses or plays poorly? Remember: your kids don’t exist to
fill you up—that is God’s job!
