Parrents As Interpreters, Part 3

The Failure of Success

Don Simpson, one of the co-producers of the very popular Tom Cruise movie, Top Gun, said that he and his partner, Jerry Bruckheimer “side with the winners; we aren’t interested in the losers—they’re boring to us.” These filmmakers reflect the predominant cultural view: You are hero if you win and a bum if you lose.

When the culture worships winners, kids feel pressured to succeed. Psychologist Roni Cohen-Sandler in her extensive work among teen girls has found that no matter what the age or social status or educational ability of the child,  almost all tell her that "they feel stressed by pressures to excel.” Many of them believe that to be successful they have to be extraordinary. When the bar is set so high, many girls report being “totally stressed-out,” “overwhelmed,” and “completely exhausted.” They “think that besides acing every subject, they must also star in their school plays, shine in  music, excel athletically, be popular, and win awards.” The path to success is dangerously steep for many kids.

One of the U.S.A.’s top marathoners, Ryan Hall, was almost a casualty to this pressure to excel. Hall set very high goals for his running. But his “obsession” to make the 2004 Olympic Team led to burn out. Some mornings he could barely get out of bed. Hall explained: “There wasn’t anything wrong with my body; I was just emotionally and spiritually wrecked.” When he changed his goal to being faithful to God, he found freedom and greater “success”. He told God: “Whatever you want to do, do it. If you want to take me to the Olympics, great. If You don’t, that’s great, too.” Running became a delight again because he had the “freedom to not have to achieve.” He could run for the sheer love of running.

Like Ryan Hall, our son (see previous post) wanted to be successful in basketball. But he had to learn that in God’s world, he is successful when he is faithful: It is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. He was successful when he practiced hard, when he refined his God-given skills, when he didn’t grumble about his coach’s decision, when he cheered his teammates (even the one playing ahead of him!). His performance might not look significant in the team’s season ending statistics, but God keeps a different set of books!