Coaches & Coaching, Part 2

I have had hundreds of conversations with parents about their kids’ sporting experiences, probably the majority of them about their kids’ coaches. Some have been frustrated, others furious, many confounded by actions these coaches took or did not take. What is a parent to do?

Be Realistic

One of our sons played on his school’s varsity basketball team with a boy who had little talent. The coach didn’t cut him because he knew the boy desperately wanted to make the team. Even though the boy was content to ride the bench, his parents frequently grumbled about their son’s lack of playing time.

When parents don’t accurately assess their child’s abilities, they, and often their child, become frustrated. Since it is hard for a parent to be objective, I occasionally asked sports-wise people to appraise my sons’ talents. I used that information to help my sons (and me!) develop reasonable expectations. One time we used the information to begin praying that our son would have an opportunity to play more—a prayer God eventually answered.

Be a Godly Model

When one of our sons was a senior in high school and a starter on his basketball team, his playing time was reduced for a few games because his coach believed he wasn’t hustling. This made no sense. His athletic intensity never dropped much below 10, as evidenced by six steals in his most recent game! So what was the best way to help our son? If the goal was his maturity, I couldn’t lead him where I hadn’t traveled. Though I wanted to gripe about his “brain-dead coach” (the description that kept assaulting my mind!), I chose to forgive the coach and help my son do the same.

Be a Friend

Coaching can be a lonely calling. What your child’s coach may need is a friend—someone who will encourage him, drive a van, assist at a practice, record statistics. The main communication most coaches hear is how they could do their jobs better.(How do you think your surgeon would react if you gave him advice about your upcoming surgery?!)

Parents, act like a parent and not a spoiled child. Your child needs a godly model for how to handle life's unwelcome surprises.

Coaches & Coaching, Part 1

My sophomore year of high school I tried out for the school’s  basketball team—along with 120 other boys! At the first practice we were divided into two groups based on our junior high coaches’ assessments. I was placed in the “lets-cut-them-quickly” group. By the end of the first week of practice, I was one of two boys left from that group! And by the end of the season I was playing with the best fifteen players. I have Coach Ben Newcomb to thank for my survival and elevation. He alone saw and encouraged the talent that I had. Though he yelled and threw clip boards and kicked chairs—mostly in response to my errors!—I loved him because he believed in me and pushed me to become a batter player. His coaching nurtured a passion for basketball and, more importantly, a confidence that if I worked hard I could accomplish an important goal.

But I also had negative experiences with coaches. When I was in fourth grade I tried out for a Little League team. On the day that cuts were announced, I was one of the boys cut. As I dejectedly climbed on my bike, the coach asked if I would lead calisthenics. I agreed, wondering if I was being given a second chance. When we were done, I stood around not knowing what to do next. But the coach said, “That’s all, Schock, you can leave now.” I felt humiliated in front of the other boys. Had the coach intended that? I don’t know.

Former NFL star Joe Ehrmann has written: “One of the great myths in America is that sports build character. They can and they should. . . . But sports don’t build character unless a coach possesses character and intentionally teaches it.” Your children’s coaches can have a great impact for good or for evil in your child’s development. During the 20-25 years that my boys were competing in youth sports, I was a coach and an observer of coaches. Both sides of the coaching experience offer unique opportunities to live out our faith and influence kids’ development.