Parents As Interpreters, Part 2

“The Success of Failure”
When our son Jered was a junior in high school he was playing behind a boy on his school team who wasn’t nearly as talented as our son. (This wasn’t just a parental prejudice! A college coach thought similarly). After a game in which he played little, he grumbled: “I work hard, practice extra, play well when I’m in the game, but get little playing time. Other guys never do any extra practicing, play just O.K. and get lots of playing time. I’m not sure I want to play next year.” Our discouraged son needed help with his perspective.

Initially, we reminded him that his extra practice had paid off—he was leading the team in field goal percentage. We also pointed out that his team had been playing weak teams and that he would have an opportunity to shine when they faced stiffer competition. We also encouraged him to think about God’s purpose in all of this. Was God teaching him how to be content “in all circumstances”? to love his teammates? to trust God for playing time?

The following week, one of the boys Jered was playing behind was injured and wouldn’t play in the next game—a game against a difficult opponent. We asked several people to pray for our son. We prayed together as a family. The result? He played little and poorly. Did God answer our prayers? Definitely! As a result of his discouraging performance, he went to his closet and dug out some information he had received at a Fellowship of Christian Athletes’ camp about how to deal with adversity. Our son was learning how to connect with God in his pain.

As the season continued, Jered had highs (e.g., a critical role in the district final win—10 points and 0 turnovers) and lows (e.g., little playing time during state tournament games). But he—and his parents!—were learning again and again to put our hope in God, not in his circumstances: “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him.” (Ps.42:5) If the source of an athlete’s happiness is praise or playing time or plaques, most will experience a great deal of unhappiness.

But losing can be a powerful instrument for growth. Our son’s “failure” became the basis of his “success”—he grew in ways that would not have happened had he been more successful on the court.