Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Returning Kids' Trophies?!


Pittsburgh Steelers’ linebacker, James Harrison, returned the participation trophies his six and eight-year-old sons were given, explaining: "While I am very proud of my boys for everything they do and will encourage them till the day I die, these trophies will be given back until they EARN a real trophy." Then he added, "I'm not about to raise two boys to be men by making them believe that they are entitled to something just because they tried their best, because sometimes your best is not enough, and that should drive you to want to do better."

Three cheers for James Harrison! Those trophies reflect the misguided philosophy that separates praise from achievement. This ”junk” praise  may impede a child’s ability to discern how God has gifted him. Your child needs help assessing his strengths and weaknesses so he can discover God’s design for his life.

When your child moans over a sub-par performance, don’t falsely praise him by saying: “Good job!” He knows better and will resent your good-willed lie. It might be better to simply say, “That wasn’t one of your better efforts.” And you might add later: “I think you’re not improving because you seldom practice.” Or if your child has a number of bad performances, he might need to hear: “Tom, you’re a better basketball player than soccer player. Would you like to put more time into developing your basketball skills?”

Hall-of-fame football coach, Lou Holtz, believes that American Idol testifies to the failure of some parents to speak truth to their children:

The less-than-skilled singers auditioning for American Idol is as staggering as it is sad. Simon Cowell, one of the judges on the show, has gained a reputation as being the “mean old bad guy” because he tells people the truth: some of them simply can’t sing. The fact that they’ve never been told this for fear of hurting their feelings is a troubling commentary on what we value today.

But eliminating false praise does not mean that your child needs brutal honesty. If your daughter is unaggressive in a basketball game, don’t whine about her lack of intensity. Commend her for a rebound she battled for and won. If your son made an error in a baseball game, praise one of his good plays—“You did a great job gauging the wind on that pop fly in the 2nd inning. Not many fifth-graders could make that play!” Some parents withhold praise because they think it will give their child a “big head”. But most often, the braggart’s self-praise is a vain attempt to meet his need for approval. If you don’t praise him, he will praise himself.