A
concerned mother expressed worry that her son would not be given a fair
opportunity to play on his high school basketball team. Her worry was based on
her son’s belief that the coach didn’t like him. She looked perplexed when I
responded: “Great! It will give your son (and you!) an opportunity to trust God.”
As
parents, we never want our kids to suffer. But suffering is a pre-requisite to
growth. James said it best: Count it pure
joy, my brothers, whenever you face
trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must
finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
(1:4f). When a child encounters a trial, he may need your help. And if that trial involves a relationship with a coach, there are good and bad types of assistance:
- Do NOT intervene. Don’t go talk to the coach. Don’t try to get the coach fired! Don’t get in the way of what God wants to do in your child’s life. This is a problem designed by God for your teen.
- Do NOT complain -- especially in your child’s presence. Your complaints may block his ability to see how God is at work.
- You CAN instruct. Help him put his hope in God rather than his coach. Why are you downcast, oh my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my savior and my God. (Psalm 42:5). Help your child see that the problem is test of his faith and offer to pray with him.
- You MUST take a long-term perspective on your child’s life. What do you want him to look like when he is 30 years old? Your highest goal for your child should not be to make the team or to win a college scholarship. Your primary goal for him should be that he becomes a mature Christian man.
This
goal of maturity won’t be accomplished through one trial. Help your
child be prepared for a series of trials inside and outside of his sports because
we serve a God who frequently intervenes in our lives in surprising ways.
Our
son Nathan was a starter on his college soccer team. But his junior year was a
frustrating and injury-plagued season. Again and again his young faith was
tested--and proved. As a result, I asked God to reward him with a healthy,
successful senior year. God answered my prayer with a resounding
"No!" That fall he was unexpectedly cut from the team. Sometime later,
after he’d gained some perspective, he wrote: “I think God’s response to this
recent absence of athletics in my life is “Finally!” Ever since eighth grade
God has been trying to teach me the lesson in 1 Timothy 4:8: For physical training is of some value, but
godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life
and the life to come. I believe that God has repeatedly put obstacles,
primarily in the form of injuries and coaches, in my athletic career in order
to humble me and make me realize their relative insignificance to Christ and
his kingdom.” As my wife and I read the letter, we thanked God for the maturing
of our son---which was much more important than playing college soccer.
Our
love for our kids often falls short. We want them to be happy. God wants them
to be holy. “Thank you, Lord, for your tough love
in my son’s life. Your ways are not my ways. But yours are infinitely better!”
