Two weeks ago I watched an interview with Tiger Woods at the
Wyndham Championships. He had just finished his second round and was leading
the tournament. The interviewer asked several technical questions about his
round which Tiger answered methodically. But when the interviewer asked, “How
were the crowds?”, Tiger’s smile erupted: “They were great!” Tiger has been
through some rough waters in his personal and professional life, and hasn’t
heard many cheers lately. The crowd’s praise temporarily eased his pain.
I had a similar experience last week when I was playing
pickup basketball at the “Y”. As we were negotiating the teams, one of the
better big players announced: “I want Bernie as my point guard.” That comment
made me feel ridiculously good! At the age of 67 it feels good to be wanted on
the court.
God designed us with a need for praise. The problem we
looked at in my last post was that too much of the praise that we give is
“junk” praise, praise separated from meaningful accomplishment. My basketball
friend’s request to have me on his team was based on my ability to feed him the
ball in a position where he can score. His praise was meaningful because I knew
it had a basis in reality. In that last post, when James Harrison returned his
sons’ participation trophies, he wasn’t denying their need for encouragement.
So how do we praise our kids? The Apostle Paul provides a
good model. In all of the letters he wrote to churches he began with
praise—even with churches that had little praiseworthy behavior. He could
always find something they did well. He eventually dealt with their problems,
but he didn’t start there. If you want to share a negative message about your
child’s performance, it will be received better if you start with some genuine
praise.
Surprisingly, Jesus seldom praised people—he saved his
praise for truly remarkable deeds. When a Roman soldier demonstrated faith in
Jesus’s ability to heal his servant, Jesus marveled at his faith: “Truly I tell
you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith.” When we praise
our kids too often, praise loses its power to encourage truly noteworthy
behavior.
Furthermore, we parents should not over-praise athletic achievement. Educator and coach
Bruce Svare praised his dad: “I am almost certain that my father was more proud
of my academic accomplishments than he ever was of anything I did on the
basketball court or football field.” Think about it: Do you show (at least) as
much interest in your child’s academics as you do in her sports? Even when our
sons were in college we tried to maintain a balance during our visits to campus—we
not only watched their athletic contests but also attended some of their
classes.
Finally, our praise should point our children to earning God’s
praise. You might say: “I am sure that God was pleased when you didn’t complain
when the referee called that questionable foul on you.” Or, “God was certainly
smiling when you didn’t retaliate against that girl who slammed you to the
ground.” God’s praise alone will wholly satisfy
a child’s need for approval.
No comments:
Post a Comment