Loving God, Part 5

My Addiction

 

Sports are a substantial part of our daily lives. Consider the statistics:

 

·         88% of kids (ages 8-17) watch televised sports

·         75% of all Americans watch sports weekly

·         70% of adults read about, discuss or participate in sports daily

 

But when a sports hobby becomes an obsession, people (like me!) become enslaved. Knowing that the best way to break an addiction is to starve it, I chose to cut myself off from excessive sports information. For many years we did not subscribe to cable T.V. or the daily newspaper. We also turned down a long-standing offer from my Dad to purchase a satellite T.V. system for our family. I made these choices because I wanted to limit the daily temptations to indulge in sports. Today, I infrequently use my computer to chase down sports statistics and rarely watch ESPN’s Sports Center because both feed my craving.

 

Televised sports try to hook us with the illusion that outcomes are critical. Thus, the Game of the Week is hyped as the Game of the Century. When Michigan State’s basketball team qualified to play in the 2009 NCAA championship game and that game would be played in economically depressed Detroit, much was written about what a great boost this was to the state. But what difference did it actually make in the lives of the Michigan residents? Were they any better off a day later? a month later? a year later? How was that game more than a temporary diversion from their struggles?

 

I bought into this myth that results matter. Therefore, the games took precedence over people and other callings. But a strange thing happened when I adopted God’s perspective: that results are relatively unimportant; that success and winning are not the same; that I won’t care who won a week from now, etc. When I engaged in this self-talk, I found my zeal subsiding. It didn’t happen all at once—I had to persist with this self-talk. But I now find that I am more interested in a close game, excellent play, and good sportsmanship than seeing my team win.

 

I have other strategies to help me control my addiction:

 

·         I often don’t tune in until a game is half over. If the game is a blowout, I don’t waste time on it.

·         I mute the sound so I can perform other tasks—sorting through a closet, paying bills, grading papers.

·         I record an event so I can watch it quickly later.

 

Finally, and most important, I am less attracted to my alternate god when I practice the priority of loving God more through study, prayer, fellowship  and worship. As the Apostle Peter wrote: Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk... now that you have tasted that the Lord is good. As I tasted the sweetness of my God, sports soured in comparison. And with my addiction broken, I was in a healthier condition to help my boys love the things of God also.

Loving God, Part 4

Enjoying Sports

 

One New York Giants fan recounted the celebration that erupted when the final whistle blew and the Giants had won the 2008 Super Bowl. He was “surrounded by delirious Giants fans who were hugging and screaming and crying and acting like stranded castaways who just noticed a rescue boat.” Many Texans would understand that sort of response to winning a football game. In Texas, football is “discussed in churches, cafes, schools, Kiwanis club meetings, oil fields and out on the north forty. Football, particularly high school football, is the staff of life.” The sportsworld was my god. It was my “staff of life”, filling my days and my dreams and my desires. When I became a Christian, I was confronted with the truth that I could not serve two masters. I could worship God or my alternate god—but not both. God won’t share his throne.

This recent holiday season we had our entire family together: 2 grandparents, 6 parents, 9 grandkids. (Oh, I forgot--and 4 granddogs!) When it came time for our main meal, one of my sons and I  loaded our plates and headed to the privacy of our basement to watch the final exciting games of the NFL season. Two of those games had head-to-head matchups to decide which team made the playoffs and which went home. As we were settling in, we were interrupted by my wife: “What are you doing? You need to come join the family celebration.” I reluctantly and grumpily agreed. During the meal our 2 year-old grandson started wishing everyone a “Merry Christmas”. Then someone taught him to say “Happy New Year”. He repeatedly squealed with delight with his new words and the attention that it brought him. And think . . . if I had allowed sports to be my master, I would have missed a memorable event that will endure far longer than any Aaron Rodgers touchdown pass.

If I love God, can I still enjoy sports? Of course. The challenge for many of us, though, is to become more temperate about them. C.S. Lewis defines temperance as “going the right length and no further” with our pleasures. Though temperance has often been associated with drinking alcoholic beverages, it should be applied to any of our pleasures. If I make golf or televised sports or gardening or shopping the center of my life, I am being “just as intemperate as someone who gets drunk every evening. Of course, it does not show on the outside so easily: golf-mania does not make you fall down in the middle of the road. But God is not deceived by externals (my italics).” Lewis believes that God judges a sports obsession just as negatively as he does an alcohol obsession. In both cases I am under the control of something other than God.

Loving God, Part 3

In my last post I advised that your child’s athletics may interfere with your own love for God. I wrote: “When I have advised parents that it is O.K. to miss some of their child’s sporting events, some look at me as if I am advocating child abuse! But if your relationship with God is the priority of your life won’t you occasionally need to miss a child’s ballgame to attend a retreat or your small group Bible study? If you always sacrifice those activities for your child’s athletics, what are you teaching your child?” I also suggested that, at times, some parents try to relive their childhood passions through their kids. When this happens, kids bear the burden of fulfilling a parents’ childhood dreams.

But some of you may have objected the way a good friend did in a recent e-mail: When our 4 kids were growing up one of us.. usually both.. made a point to attend their activities.. whether sports, music, theater or anything else.  It was not done to relive any childhood wishes that didn't come true for us.. but because we loved them and wanted to support whatever they chose to be a part of…  So glad I did.. time flies by so quickly and then they are gone on their own. . . . Supporting our children (and now our grandchildren) is more important than almost anything (except a relationship with Jesus).

I am thankful that my friend and her husband supported their children’s activities. This is one of the practical and necessary ways that we communicate our love for our kids. And if a parent I knew was selfishly ignoring his children’s activities I would quickly chide his choices. Parents, please be involved with and support your children’s interests.

But can those interests become too important? Life is a delicate balance. I am a professor, a writer, a parent, a husband, a brother, a church member, a neighbor, a citizen, etc., etc. And though my role as a parent is more important than my role as a neighbor, could my neighbor have a need that is more important than one of my child's activities? could one of my student's needs be more pressing than my child's choir concert? could my need for rest be more important than my child's ballgame? Loving God involves depending on Him to guide my discernment when callings come into conflict.
 

Loving God, Part 2

Parental Priorities

Moses instructs us parents that loving God is our first priority: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments I give you today are to be upon your hearts. But if a parent isn’t careful, his child’s athletic involvement may strangle his own love for God. When I have advised parents that it is O.K. to miss some of their child’s sporting events, some look at me as if I am advocating child abuse! But if your relationship with God is the priority of your life, won’t you occasionally need to miss a child’s ballgame to attend a retreat or your small group Bible study? If you always sacrifice those activities for your child’s athletics, what are you teaching your child? You can build your life around God or your child’s sporting life—but you can’t do both.

Sometimes a child’s athletics becomes the means a parent uses to fulfill his own passions. One father explained that watching his son play football “was almost like I was competing myself again.” Ouch! Parents, please understand: your childhood is over and your child still has his to live!  Asking your child to fulfill your dreams puts a burden on him that he is “too small to bear and too young to comprehend.”

Loving God, Part 1

One day when my boys were young I asked them to record a championship football game for me because I had another commitment. Because I enjoy the unexpected in sports, I made it clear that I wanted to view the game without knowing the final score. When I came home, my middle son, who was six at the time, solemnly declared: “Dad I’m not going to tell you the score but you probably don’t want to watch the game.” I immediately knew that my team had lost. I responded sharply, “Andrew, you weren’t supposed to tell me!” Unfortunately, my values were showing. I was more concerned about a trifling football game than my treasured son.

Parents, your primary call in life is to fervently love God: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments I give you today are to be upon your hearts. When loving God becomes the priority of your life, it has a good chance of becoming the priority of your child’s life. Over the next several posts I plan to write about how we can model that love to our children.

Adrian Peterson & Fatherhood

 

Sioux Falls (my home town) splashed into the national news earlier this month when NFL star Adrian Peterson attended the funeral of his 2 year-old son. His son was killed in an apparent child abuse case. But wait a minute, why was his son in Sioux Falls? Because the boy lived with his mom who is one of 7 women reported to have birthed an Adrian-Peterson child.

Though this event has generated much dispute about Peterson’s character, that discussion should be secondary to a discussion about fatherhood in 21^st century America. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, Peterson’s dead son was one of 24 million children in America---one out of three---who live apart from their biological fathers. This absence is triple the rate from 1960 and has an alarming impact on these children. Comparing these children to those having an in-home father, they are:

 

·         more likely to be poor—four times more likely!

·         more likely to die in infancy—nearly twice as likely

·         more likely to engage in delinquent behavior

·         more prone to early sexual activity

·         more often abused—often at the hands of a boyfriend!

·         more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol

·         more often obese

·         more academically challenged

·         more often neglected

In contrast, kids with an in-home dad feel more secure, are more willing to take risks, and they experience more positive emotional health.

There is nothing automatic about the benefits of an in-home dad. (And it doesn’t mean that father substitutes or separated fathers are worthless.) But being in the home lays a solid foundation to build on and become the male model and guide that children desperately need.

 

 

Building Character

This past month high school football coach, Matt Labrum, suspended his entire team because of widespread character failures. The players had been skipping class, making poor grades, disrespecting teachers, bullying other students. Labrum said, “Enough!” He demanded the uniforms of all 50 varsity players.

But Labrum gave them a path to reinstatement, which included serving the people and institutions in their lives. Labrum first asked them to spend their Saturday serving their families and be able to show pictorial proof of that service. One boy cleaned out a pigpen. Another repaired a deck. The coach’s next requirement was to visit a nursing home. One boy marveled at how happy one of the patients was to host a visitor. Then a few days later Labrum sent them to a nearby Junior High to wash windows and pull weeds.

The whole experience was transformative for some. One father said that he and his son stayed up very late talking one night about the issues surrounding this event, and the boy concluded: “You know what? We can be better. And I can be a better leader.”

Psychologist John Rosemond believes that children need self-respect more than self-esteem. Self-respect is based on the “knowledge that you are making a positive contribution.... A person with self-respect focuses primarily on his or her obligations to others.” But in many homes today kids are allowed to focus on themselves—their school work, their sports, their other extracurricular activities. They are treated like privileged house guests rather than contributing members of a household. When our boys complained about household chores—“Why do we have to weed the garden? Our friends aren’t their parents’ slaves!”—we would try to calmly explain: “Family life is a joint effort. If you don’t help out then some other member of this family will be unfairly burdened.”

When Rosemond speaks to parent groups, he asks them to raise a hand if they did chores as a child. Almost all of them raise a hand. But when he asks them to raise a hand if they require their kids to do regular chores, only a few raise a hand. Doing chores is an important character-builder for kids, helping them learn the joy of serving others.