God's Goal In Trials

Your son has been aiming to play for his high school’s basketball team since he was in middle school. He has labored diligently, practicing much on his own, lifting in the weight room, attending summer camps. At one of these summer camps a college coach talked to him about coming to his school and playing for him. Your son was flattered by the praise—which helped build an expectation that he would be a starter on his high school team. But today your son has just been informed by his coach that he will not be starting in the team’s first game. In fact, at best, he will be the third person off the bench. What do you say to your dejected son?

In my last post we looked at Jesus’ words about the inevitability of storms—no one lives in Eden anymore. So how can your son weather his storm? Jesus gave a rather simple formula for staying upright in the storms: Everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. Hearing and acting on Scripture will prevent your son from being knocked down by this squall.

So what Words does your son need to hear and begin to practice? James is a good place to begin: Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. (1:2,3) Your son needs to acknowledge that his storm is a test of his faith. His job is to hang on, being encouraged that God cares enough about him to design a special test for him. In this test, God is asking him, “Will you trust me?”

What is your son trusting God to do? It is not to make him a starter. It is not to win him a scholarship. God’s work in this trial is to make your son mature and complete, lacking nothing. (James 1:4)  This storm is designed to add character to your son. God makes that a rock solid promise--if your son will trust him.

Warning: Severe Storms Predicted

Robert Griffin III is an unusually gifted young man. In high school he was a three sport star. His senior year he led his football team to the Texas Class 4A championship  game. In track, Griffin broke state records for the 110-meter and 300-meter hurdles. As a junior, he was rated the nation’s No. 1 high school 400-meter intermediate hurdler. At Baylor University his success continued as he won the starting position at quarterback his freshman year and after his junior year won the coveted Heisman Trophy.

Griffin’s achievements were not confined to the athletics. He was senior class president and ranked seventh academically in his class. While at Baylor he compiled a 3.67 GPA and earned his political science degree in just three years.

After graduation Griffin’s storybook life continued. He Was drafted by the Washington Redskins and signed a $21 million contract. His first year in the NFL (2012) he set a record for the highest passer rating for a rookie quarterback and led the Redskins into the playoffs for the first time since 2007.

But since that rookie year, and especially this year, Griffin has struggled. Battling injuries and poor performances, he was replaced in the starting lineup. Listen to his coaches’ comments:

·     “In the games he's played, our production has been awful.”

·     “Very raw. Very raw." (The coach’s evaluation of his progress over the past three years.)

·     “He's auditioned long enough. Clock's ticking. He's gotta play.”

·         "His biggest thing, he's been coddled for so long.”

·         "We just want him to stop talking and play. He has to outperform all the antics."

Suppose your son is a fan of RG III--what would you say to him?   Jesus informs us that all homes are battered by storms: “The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house.” (Matt.7:25) It doesn’t matter whether my house is built on rock or sand, or whether I’m rich or poor, wise or foolish, talented or untalented, Christian or non-Christian, beautiful or ugly, mature or immature, threatening storms eventually break over all of us. Thus, the question for Robert Griffin and for us is not,  Will we encounter storms? The question is, Will the storms flatten us?

The apostle Peter wrote to Christians advising them: “Do not be surprised at the painful trial your suffering as though something strange were happening to you.” (I Pet.4: 12). One of the ways the storms injure us is when they are unexpected. Painful trials should not be a surprise. Painful trials should not seem strange. Painful trials are found on everyone’s path through life.  A young athlete may be hassled by incompetent referees, unqualified coaches, sprained ankles, jealous teammates, misjudged talent, bad luck, etc.  Such squalls can be a gift to a child, teaching him how to weather more severe storms later in life:  a degenerative disease,  the divorce of parents, the loss of a loved job, the early death of a parent,  rejection by a cherished friend, an absent father, a bankrupting investment, a severely handicapped child,  etc., etc., etc. Even these severe storms can be survived when we are prepared for them. In my next blog I will address how to prepare for them.

Parents' Role: Stay Out of God's Way!

A concerned mother expressed worry that her son would not be given a fair opportunity to play on his high school basketball team. Her worry was based on her son’s belief that the coach didn’t like him. She looked perplexed when I responded: “Great! It will give your son (and you!) an opportunity to trust God.”

As parents, we never want our kids to suffer. But suffering is a pre-requisite to growth. James said it best: Count it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (1:4f). When a child encounters a trial, he may need your help. And if that trial involves a relationship with a coach, there are good and bad types of assistance:

• Do NOT intervene. Don’t go talk to the coach. Don’t try to get the coach fired! Don’t get in the way of what God wants to do in your child’s life. This is a problem designed by God for your teen.
• Do NOT complain -- especially in your child’s presence. Your complaints may block his ability to see how God is at work.
• You CAN instruct. Help him put his hope in God rather than his coach. Why are you downcast, oh my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my savior and my God. (Psalm 42:5). Help your child see that the problem is test of his faith and offer to pray with him.
• You MUST take a long-term perspective on your child’s life. What do you want him to look like when he is 30 years old? Your highest goal for your child should not be to make the team or to win a college scholarship. Your primary goal for him should be that he becomes a mature Christian man.

This goal of maturity won’t be accomplished through one trial. Help your child be prepared for a series of trials inside and outside of his sports because we serve a God who frequently intervenes in our lives in surprising ways. 

Our son Nathan was a starter on his college soccer team. But his junior year was a frustrating and injury-plagued season. Again and again his young faith was tested--and proved. As a result, I asked God to reward him with a healthy, successful senior year. God answered my prayer with a resounding "No!" That fall he was unexpectedly cut from the team. Sometime later, after he’d gained some perspective, he wrote: “I think God’s response to this recent absence of athletics in my life is “Finally!” Ever since eighth grade God has been trying to teach me the lesson in 1 Timothy 4:8: For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. I believe that God has repeatedly put obstacles, primarily in the form of injuries and coaches, in my athletic career in order to humble me and make me realize their relative insignificance to Christ and his kingdom.” As my wife and I read the letter, we thanked God for the maturing of our son---which was much more important than playing college soccer. 

Our love for our kids often falls short. We want them to be happy. God wants them to be holy. “Thank you, Lord, for your tough love in my son’s life. Your ways are not my ways. But yours are infinitely better!”

 

Athletes As Role Models, Part 3

Where Have All the Heroes gone?

I was an NBA all-star year after year. The arena where I achieved that feat was my driveway! I imagined playing as a prized teammate of my beloved Boston Celtics. Even with Bill Russell and Bob Cousy on my team, I always made the last-second shot, the critical steal, or the amazing block that secured another championship for the world’s best basketball team.

My driveway fantasies are not unique. All children emulate others in their play. When children imitate a princess or a superhero or an NBA star, they are “putting on” the clothing of adult life.

We are designed for imitation. The Bible is filled with exhortations to imitate God: Be holy as I am holy. The Apostle Paul asked his disciples to imitate him. Because imitation is one of the pathways to maturity, children need role models who are worth emulating. Sadly, today’s sportsworld heroes often fall short because “our generation has lowered the standards and amped up the volume.”

But there are genuine heroes in the sportsworld. Recently retired Juan Pierre was a lifetime .300 hitter before he signed with the L.A. Dodgers. His first year as a Dodger, he played in all 162 games, as he had done the previous four years. But the next year Pierre was benched. He didn’t handle the demotion well. One of the sportswriters described him as “sullen”, “almost sad.”

The following year Pierre returned to the Dodgers with a new attitude. Though newly signed free agents decreased his likelihood of playing regularly, he was determined to return a new man: "I wasn't happy with myself last year. I have always read the Bible, but I was reading it again during the off-season.... I just figured out God's plan is way better than mine. I thought I could do it on my own, but I was miserable. I can only control things that I can control." Players and media noticed the difference. One sports writer observed that “in such a refreshing way, nothing seems to unsettle him.” His peace was based on the belief that God is in control. Our athletic kids will face adversity in their sports: riding the bench, injuries, unjust umpiring, incompetent coaches. Athletes like Pierre can model how to handle these uncontrollable and unwelcome events. But parents will have to dig these stories up because this is not the normal focus of the media.

 

 

 

 

 

Athletes as Role Models: Part 2

"Talking Points": How to Talk About the Sportsworld

Last February Ray Rice knocked out his then girlfriend, now wife, in an elevator in an Atlantic City casino. Originally they were both arrested and charged with assault. Later the charge against his wife was dropped. And Rice, as a first-time offender, was allowed to enter a diversionary program that would lead to the erasing of the offense from his record if he completed the program. Then in July the NFL, after its own investigation, instituted a two-game suspension for Rice’s misbehavior.

A lot has happened since that night, mostly driven by a video of the altercation. Those events include:

·         Rice’s team, the Baltimore Ravens, cut him from the team.

·         The NFL, claiming the video provided new evidence, changed Rice’s suspension to an indefinite suspension.

·         The NFL also changed its domestic abuse policy making a first-time offense punishable by a six-game suspension and a second offense a lifetime ban from the NFL.

·         Rice is appealing his suspension by claiming that the NFL wants to punish him twice.

When events like this happen, it gives parents a great opportunity to talk with their kids about a divine perspective on such events. Questions provide a smooth path into a conversation:

• Do you think Ray Rice would like to back up the calendar and live that night over again?
• Is it a good idea to marry a man who punched you out two months ago?
•   Should Rice get a second chance?
•    What would you do if Rice was a good friend of yours?
•   What does God think of Ray Rice?

Don’t be in a hurry to give answers. Your ultimate goal is to help your kids learn to discern the difference between good and evil on their own.

 

Athletes As Role Models, Part 1

A friend of my son has a 7 year-old boy who only wants to wear 2 shirts--both have pictures of suspended star, Adrian Peterson. That dad asked: "Should I let my son continue to wear these shirts?" The recent tawdry events in the NFL have left parents wondering how the shameful behavior of well-known athletes effects their children. I plan to focus on that issue over the next few blogs.

Parents first question is: Should we try to shield kids from athletes who are wife abusers or drug addicts or adulterers? During my childhood, kids were shielded. The sports media created “fakelore” (All-star pitcher, Jim Bouton’s  word) that hid most of the bad behavior of athletes. Babe Ruth was made up to be a saint who visited children in hospitals rather than the heavy drinker and gambler that he was.

But is this cover up necessary? The Bible doesn’t censor the sins of its heroes. Jacob was a schemer, Moses a murderer, Samson a fornicator, David an adulterer and a murderer. The Bible presents both the good and the bad because we learn from both.

The key to how children will be impacted by all of this corruption is whether the athlete’s bad behavior is punished. In one study, children observed an adult acting aggressively toward a large doll. Then some of the children observed the adult being rewarded while others saw the adult punished. The children were then given solitary time with the doll. Those who saw the adult rewarded for aggression treated the doll with much greater hostility.

The principle of modeling, then, implies that kids do not have to be shielded from the sins of their heroes. What they need is to see these athletes punished for their offenses. The most effective hurt for these professional athletes may be playing time. Anything that significantly shortens already short careers, will certainly be painful.

God makes it clear that sin has consequences: Do not be deceived, God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. (Galatians 6: 7,8) Therefore, the exposure of an athlete’s mis-behavior and ensuing problems on and off the field, can be a “good” model for children—shouting the truth that a man reaps what he sows.

 

Tiger's Troubles

I have not been a big fan of Tiger Woods. In fact, I haven’t even been a little fan of Tiger Woods (except when he competes for the U.S.) There are several reasons for this, not least, that I frequently root for underdogs.

But it is hard for me to root against Tiger today. Starting with his infidelities in 2009, followed by his divorce in 2010, and now his major health struggles, his soaring career has been grounded. It was painful watching this golfing Superman wince in pain as he hit mediocre shot after mediocre shot in the recent PGA Championship. Tiger has not won a major title since 2008 and not any kind of title this year. Last week after he missed the cut in the PGA, he announced that he would take the rest of the year off to try to heal his troubled back.

Tiger is experiencing one of life’s basic truths—life is incredibly humbling. Some years ago my brother had a friend who was going through some very rocky times. In his pain this friend complained, “I thought God wouldn’t give me more than I can handle.” My brother wisely responded, “I hate to disagree with you but I think that is exactly what God does do – he gives us more than we can handle to teach us to depend on Him.”

Life is supposed to be too much for all of us. That is why Jesus said: Blessed are the poor in spirit. As Evelyn de Wall has written, a poor spirit is the first step toward transformation:

It is unfortunate that humility is a concept which has become so unattractive, and carries associations of low self-esteem, for in fact it’s true meaning lies in the proper sense of self. It means knowing and accepting my limitations, and not denying them: I am not in charge; I am not the ultimate source of wisdom. I’m not self-sufficient; I cannot manage on my own. When I admit that God is in charge I’m willing and ready to change, probably time and time again.

When the Apostle Paul encountered crushing circumstances that he could not pray away, he heard Jesus say: My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in [your] weakness.” As a result, Paul could proclaim: Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

God wants to teach all of us how to delight in our weaknesses as we lean on his strength. He wants us to discover his complete sufficiency for any of life’s challenges.